Improving family relationships through wholesome communication

In recent times, reports and cases of gender-based violence, divorce, incessant killings and related mishaps in many relationships have regularly featured and trended in mass media, social media and various groups and communities. Many of these cases have been traced to misunderstanding, mistrust and vacuums created by lack of communication among family members and friends. Many families and relationships have been disoriented and torn apart by the outcomes of breakdown in wholesome communication.

Communication is the bedrock and essence of any relationship as it serves as the basis for understanding, empathy and connection. Effective communication is crucial within the confines of a family for maintaining harmony, trust and mutual respect. However, when communication breaks down, the repercussions can be profound, leading to rifts, emotional wounds and can tear families apart. 

Communication breakdown can be devastating for individuals who professed everlasting love, and mind-boggling that they could pounce on themselves in disgust and immense rage. This is one of the social concerns of our changing social landscape and living and should elicit dialogue at various levels to contain this social and moral decline. Similar to spousal communication breakdown in magnitude and intensity is sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry has brought untold harm to family relationships, dealt immense blows and caused irreparable damage for siblings over the years. Many siblings have declared themselves arch-enemies because they could not bear or forget the scars sustained from the many outcomes of communication breakdown.

Families should look out for the following signs that point to friction and communication breakdown in relationships, and intentionally deal with them, before they degenerate into gender-based violence, divorce and or homicide. 

Lack of active listening is one of the signs of communication breakdown. This is when family members stop truly listening to one another, misinterpreting and misunderstanding every little statement or discussion, paying more attention to body language and insinuations rather than to the actual spoken words. This attitude is unhealthy and can easily lead to escalating conflict if not addressed as quickly as it begins to brew. 

Avoidance and silence are other pointers and noticeable approaches among some family members in a bid to avoid conversations. They may choose to maintain a stony silence that can signal a loud underlying issue that is not being addressed openly, these are detrimental to relationships and they need urgent attention and intervention. For a healthy relationship to thrive among family members, a good flow of communication needs to be in place; and to avoid adopting avoidance or silence approach, healthy boundaries have to be set, nurtured and maintained. Brene Brown, a research professor in the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, an author of many books including the “The Gift of Imperfection” and well known for her Ted Talks on Vulnerability and shame, writes that “setting boundaries is making clear what’s okay and what’s not okay and why”. 

Frequent misunderstandings can occur when family members consistently misinterpret each other’s words or intentions, this can create a breeding ground for resentment and frustration causing them to engage in blame games and criticism without constructive feedback, creating a fertile ground for a toxic environment that erodes trust and respect. When these happen, a person may decide to seek solace by reclining into self while bottling up a lot of anger and rage accumulated from lack of expression. This could lead  to emotional distancing, which is when family members feel disconnected or distant from one another; this can send a wrong signal or paint an entirely different picture among spouses in particular who may resort to raising eyebrows, engaging in open confrontation or outright accusations.

The above-mentioned signs of communication breakdown can be considered harmful approaches that can further impact families in the following negative ways.  Some of these negative ways include quarrels and rancour, which manifest as a result of vacuum created from frequent misunderstandings, hostility, unspoken resentment borne out of internalised emotions and unexpressed feelings. These can worsen an already toxic relationship among family members thereby building scar tissues of hurtful words. The wounds caused by hurtful or insensitive words spoken in the heat of the moment can leave lasting scars on family members, affecting their self-esteem, self-confidence and mental well-being.

The impact of family breakdown can result in family members feeling isolated, not given a chance to be heard and disregarded or unimportant, leading to a sense of alienation within the family unit. It is important to consider that when communication falters, trust erodes, making it difficult for family members to rely on each other and feel secure within the family structure posing a great danger to family bonds.  

Weakened or broken family bonds can give rise to fractured relationships and emotional estrangement and create avenues for unhealthy adventures. These may leave impressions and dents on children of such relationships by creating a ripple effect as they may struggle with their own relationships and emotional well-being in the future because of the dysfunctionality of their upbringing, perpetuating negative patterns of behaviour.

Communication breakdown has social impact and snowball consequences on family relationships spreading to social disintegration, conflict, moral decadence and instability. Families are the building blocks of society; and effective communication is essential for maintaining healthy and harmonious family relationships.

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